when you walk away
by kawieli
Summary: Finn, Rachel, Shelby, Beth and the dance they do. AU


It was a snowy February evening. The ground was wet and sloshy and Finn was determined to make it home with dry socks this time around. He knew if he didn't, he would have to endure yet another long lecture by Rachel about how he could "catch a plethora of illnesses from the damp cold" followed by a list of ways to prevent his said socks from getting wet again. Secretly, he loved it. Even though he'd have to look up 'plethora' in the dictionary.

Cause, she loved him.

He made it to the small brick house in record time and just seeing the the old, drafty house and that his girl was in there made his long day at the school worth it. Finn began muttering under his breath as he fiddled with the key to unlock his front door and then proceeded to wrestle with the old stuck door until he managed to finally succeed to open the damn thing. But, not before having to slam all of his body weight into his right shoulder to make it open. He really needed to get that door fixed.

Grateful for the warm air that met his face, he quickly shut the door with another slam and shrugged off his many layers of New York winter attire.

He walked the few feet into the small yet cozy kitchen and smiled as he noticed the strains of Barbara Steisand filling the room. Rachel's back was to him as she was intently focused on some probably crazy healthy sauce bubbling on the stove and he couldn't help but grin. He quickly noticed her tiny frame was clothed in her girly sweats and a small, curious thought entered his mind about why she already had on her sweats at 5:30 at night.

Finn winced as he rubbed his already aching shoulder and his brief thought was lost as he made his way to Rachel. He couldn't help but conjure up ideas for Rachel to help ease the pain of his bruised arm. And they may or may have not been on the slightly dirty side.

He swept her hair back and landed a small breathy kiss on the spot just below her ear while slipping his uninjured arm around her waist, pulling her to him.

She jumped in surprise and out of his arms. She wore an expression of something that Finn couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't sad, but yet, not happy either.

"I didn't hear you come in."

Finn laughed half-heartedly. He nearly broke down the door trying to enter his own house. In the back of his mind, he knew something was off.

"You didn't hear me have to sacrifice my body in order for the damn door to open?"

Rachel turned away from him again, busying her self with setting the table and not once complaining about his use of foul language.

"Oh, guess I was more consumed in Barbara's music than I thought."

Finn frowned and leaned against the counter, hoping and waiting for her to initiate their ritual of discussing the events of each one of their days. She remained silent and Finn's frown deepened.

"Something wrong, babe?"

He watched as she noticeably stiffened at his question. She finished setting the pots on the table and started filling their plates.

"Shelby died today."

Shit. That would explain the sweats and her lack of communication. His heart ached for her own determined yet vulnerable heart. He sat down next to her and waited for her tears and cries of inadequacy that rarely reared its ugly head, but when they did, it was brutal. He waited for her to clutch at him and hang on for dear life. He waited for her to grab his hand and twist his wedding band around and around with her fingers, the motion soothing and comforting to her.

She never did. She just picked up her fork and began eating.

"Were you able to keep your socks dry?"

He gaped at her. Is she serious? Her mother, her flesh and blood had just died and she was sitting here eating her pasta so matter-of-factly? Asking him about his socks?

Finn did his best to pick up his jaw from the floor and he picked his words carefully.

"What happened to Shelby? She's so young."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and took her time finishing her bite of food and then taking a long and slow sip of her herbal tea.

"Something about a brain hemorrhage. Beth found her in the shower. Funeral is Saturday at the Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Lima. Why don't we go to the hardware store tomorrow, we should really fix that door."

Finn couldn't believe what he was hearing. Of course, he knew that Rachel was a queen at compartmentalizing and being able to maintain logic without letting emotions override her thoughts. But, still. This was her _mother._ You can't _not _let emotion creep in when your mom dies.

Yet, hear she was, giving Finn details about her mother's death and in the same breath, telling him to fix their broken front door. He sighed heavily.

"Guess I'll book us two tickets to Lima. You want to fly in Friday night?"

Rachel looked up at him with surprise etching her features, her eyebrow raised. Finally, some emotion.

"I'm not going to the funeral."

She said it in such a haunting way that Finn's heart sunk even further. She said it in such an incredulous way like she couldn't believe Finn would even think about her flying in for the funeral.

"Rach, it's your _mom_."

Rachel's eyes flashed and she stood up quickly, nearly taking the chair with her.

"Don't you dare call her my _mom_. She was never a mom to me. She _chose_ not to be a mom to me. She chose to give up the right of me calling her mom."

Shit. Shit. Finn's sunken heart flipped and twisted. He knew the strained history of Rachel and Shelby and he was thrown unwillingly into a particular sad memory.

* * *

_~Lima, Ohio. 2012~_

_"I can't believe you bought organic Oreos, it's like, messing with the best snack ever created!"_

_Rachel scoffed at Finn bemoaning her purchases, but smiled as she playfully swatted at his arm._

_"Finn! It's important to be aware of what you are putting into your body. Now, I can eat Oreos and not feel guilty about it!"_

_Finn laughed and grabbed the last remaining grocery bag and set it in the trunk._

_"Still, I can't see how it can taste as good as the original."_

_He closed the trunk and turned to look at his high school girlfriend. Her grin grew as he realized she was staring at him. He reached for her and she settled into his chest, closing her eyes and mentally taking a picture of the memory. These are the memories she loved the most and with graduation looming ahead of them, she wanted to make the most of these memories. A sudden bump into their empty shopping cart shook Rachel out of her trance and the dark haired woman who caused the jolt rushed to apologize._

_"I am so sorry! I wasn't paying any-"_

_Rachel's eyes locked on the toddler sitting in the woman's shopping cart, her blonde curls bouncing as she swung her chubby back and forth and chomped on a red lollipop. _

_"Rachel."_

_Finn watched silently as Rachel's jaw tensed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a habit that Finn had noticed that she did when she was angry or upset._

_"Hi Shelby. It's nice to see you again. How have you been? I didn't know you babysat."_

_Rachel's words came out strained and about as fast as a speeding car. Her adam's apple tensing as she swallowed back the tears and braced herself for the words she already knew were coming._

_"Rachel, this is my daughter, Beth. I adopted her almost two years ago."_

_Speech had literally left Rachel as she grabbed Finn's hand and held on for dear life. Finn couldn't decide who to look at during this awkward conversation, so he just looking at Rachel and then Shelby and Beth and then back at Rachel. _

_"She's really cute, Shelby."_

_Shelby smiled thankfully at Finn. She looked back sadly at her oldest daughter and reached out her hand to touch Rachel's arm gently._

_"Congratulations on graduating, Rachel. I know I will be seeing your name in lights one day soon. Take care of yourself, Finn."_

_Finn nodded silently and watched as Shelby turned and walked away. He thought it ironic as here she was, walking away from one daughter, and leaving with another daughter. He took ahold of Rachel and pulled her closer to him._

_"She's right, you know."_

_And with Finn's words, Rachel erupted into sobs and buried her face in his chest as she gripped her arms around his torso, refusing to let go. After a good five minutes, Rachel finally looked up, her eyes swollen and sad._

_"I am never letting you go, Finn, so don't ever try to fight it."_

_He smiled at her firm words and he just hugged her closer and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he mumbled his love for her into her hair,_

_"I'm not going anywhere."_

* * *

He wonders if Rachel remembers that day of running (literally) into Shelby. He wonders if she remembers the pain of being left behind once again. He wonders if she remembers her quiet voice as her head lay in Finn's lap and she talked for hours about Shelby, Beth and the things she felt she'd missed out on. He wonders if she remembers her strong resolve and declared to Finn that "No matter how sad the situation with Shelby is and how I wish it was different; it will not define who I am. I have two wonderful dads who would throw themselves in front of a train for me. And I have you. And you have taught me the most important lesson, Finn. You taught me how to love and love recklessly. Because without it, what would life be?" He remembers how choked up he got and how the only way he could answer her was to kiss her softly and capture her hand with his and place it to his heart (that was beating quite fast).

He gazes at her once again, turned back and notices her hand making its way to her face and quickly brings it down again. He knows she remembers.

He quietly stands up and goes to she feels his presence, she leans back into him and they stand there forever, her left hand grasping his arm and his right hand stroking her other arm, he gently turns her to face him and he nearly smiles at her record-breaking speed at blinking, her attempt to keep the tears from falling.

"It's okay to be angry, Rach."

Her blinking attempt fails as the tears spill forth from her chocolate eyes. He kisses her tears and soothes the trail they make with his thumb. He silently promises to always be the one to wipe her tears, even if he is the one to cause the tears.

"She's walked away from me, again. Except this time, there's no way I'll be running into her at the grocery store. I just want to be the one walking away for once."

Finn hears her words and tilts his head and slowly starts to shake his head. He tips her chin with his two fingers and kisses her nose.

"That's the thing, Rach, you care too much to walk away."

A new wave of sobs overwhelms her body and Finn notices her legs giving way and he gently lowers them both to the floor, enveloping her in his arms as she weeps. A few stray tears slide down Finn's own face as he wishes to God that he could take her sorrow away. He settles for peppering kisses in her hair and rubbing small circles on her back.

She brings her head up after a good ten minutes and places a tender kiss on his lips.

"I don't think...I know I can't do this alone."

He shakes his head firmly, wild horses would have to drag him away.

"I'm not going anywhere, ever."

She smiles at his words and her heart swells that even after all this time, he's still the one by her side.

* * *

_Remembering the good times_

_From a portrait hung on high_

_It's filled with so much color_

_And the laughter we left behind_

_I made the choice and you couldn't decide_

_I made the choice, I was wrong, you were right_

_Deep down inside, I apologize_

* * *

A drizzle of rain falls over the small, yet solemn gathering of people that surrounds a black casket being that has already been lowered into the ground. The pastor speaks a final parting scripture.

"As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death."

Rachel closes her eyes as she listens to the sacred prayer. Her gloved hand reaches for him. He squeezes gently back, telling her once again that though many people in her life have chosen to walk away, she has one constant and that's Finn.

"I love you."

His quiet, whispered words into her ear brings a smile to a face and tears dance down her face. She brushes the tears as the pastor ends the prayer and thanks the ones who attended. He mentions Beth's name and Rachel's heart clenches.

She makes her way over to Beth, who is being held by an older version of Shelby and she kisses the little girl's cheek as she murmurs her condolences to the gray-haired woman who's own carmel-colored eyes were tear-stained.

She's walking back to Finn when she hears the strained voice calling back to her.

"Rachel, wait."

The gray-haired woman is walking towards her and Rachel notices for the first time the lines that etch the woman's features and the wrinkles that are displayed upon her tired face. She breathes a heavy sigh as she shifts a sleeping Beth in her arms and Rachel feels a pang of sadness for the woman who just lost a daughter. She extends her arms towards the woman.

"Here, let me take her."

As soon as Rachel moves Beth into her arms, the little girl's arms reach around her neck and her curly covered blonde head found its home on her shoulder. Rachel hugged the little girl tighter.

"You know, Rachel, Shelby thought quite highly of you. She always talked about how you were going places with your life and how you reminded her so much of herself. Please know, she loved you in her own way."

Rachel wondered if her heart could clench anymore and how did this woman know her name and how she knew Shelby anyway? She swallowed the lump in her throat and rested her chin on Beth's sleeping head. She managed to mumble out a 'thank you' before the older woman was talking again.

"That your husband over there?"

Rachel followed the woman's line of vision, her eyes falling on Finn who was talking to the minister. She kissed Beth's head as she answered.

"Yes, that's Finn. We've been married for just over a year."

At that moment, Finn turned and caught her eye, giving her a wink. The older woman smiled and Rachel saw a wistful glint in her eyes.

"You know, Rachel, Beth could really use such a determined and positive person in her life right now. She could use a sister."

A feeling of wanting to protect Beth washed over Rachel, she knew what it was like to have lost a mother and she was surprised at how she strongly she wanted to shield Beth from any hurt or sadness.

"I would love to be a part of Beth's life, as would Finn."

Shelby's mom cleared her throat and seemed to shift her weight back and forth on her feet. Tears sprung to her eyes as she softly fixed Beth's coat around her small form.

"Beth needs you to be more than just a small part, Rachel. Of course, I would love to take care of Beth, but you see my age and I've already lost my husband. Beth needs more than I can give. I think you and Finn could be a bigger part in Beth's life."

Rachel tried to wrap her head around the woman's words. She went from maybe taking Beth shopping every once in awhile to taking care of Beth for the rest of her life.

"I-we-you want us to raise Beth? In our house? In New York?"

The woman nodded slowly and she clasped her hands together as she rattled on about how easy it would to have Finn and her adopt Beth, how it would be a easier transition for Beth if she were to start fresh, how the schools in New York would be such a better match for the bright six-year-old.

"Wait, just wait."

The older woman stopped as Rachel placed her small hand on Beth's curls.

"Can we at least sit down and talk about this? Beth's getting a bit heavy and I would appreciate having Finn in on this conversation."

The words that spilled over made even Rachel surprised. Here she was, holding her little sister with the possibility of being responsible for this little person's life in her hands. Could she really be a mom to Beth? She had no idea how to raise a six-year-old, what did six-year-olds even like to eat? They would have to get a bigger house, look into schools, make sure that they had everything a little six-year old girl would need.

Surprisingly, as Rachel looked down at the sleeping child in her arms and then looked up at Finn walking towards her, she wanted nothing more to take Beth home with them. Even though Shelby had not let Rachel be a part of Beth's life while she was alive, Rachel was determined to make sure Beth's life was taken care of and fulfilled.

No, she would not walk away from Beth.

* * *

The sticky humidity of the small midwestern town of Lima was overwhelming as Rachel made her way through the gravestones. She scanned the headstones and quickly found what she was looking for as she knelt by Shelby's small but heartfelt gravestone.

She brushed away the dirt and old flowers as she gingerly placed a fresh bouquet of yellow and pink daisies next to the stone. She traced the words 'Shelby Cochron: Beloved mother and daughter. 1975-2016' with her finger and started to speak.

"So, Shelby, a lot has changed since you've left. Beth misses you. She always talks about you and says things just the way you would say them. She loves her new school and you should see her bedroom, I don't think she's missing one poster of any Broadway musical to grace the stage. She's made several new friends and is even on a soccer team. Granted, the team is comprised of other seven-year-olds and Finn is one of the coaches, but she loves it. And her voice, Shelby, you'd be proud. She's really such a little angel. I hope I'm doing a good job at this mom deal. I'm trying anyway. You should see Finn, he's a natural dad and simply cannot resist her blue eyes and wild curls. This might sound a bit odd and maybe even morbid, but thank you for giving her to me. Her and Finn are forever the best parts of my life."

"Rachel! Raccccchhhhhiiiieeee"

She turns and sees Beth in the distance, skipping through the gravestones like they are flowers in a field, Finn trailing behind with his lopsided grin telling Beth to wait for him.

Her heart swells with pride and gratitude and she calls back and waves her hand.

"Over here!"

She watches with teary eyes as Beth reaches her and quickly hugs her before kneeling down by Shelby's gravestone and starts to tell Shelby all about her last soccer game and how they won only because of Beth's winning goal.

She smiles as Finn pulls her close and kisses the top of her head and hands her the second bouquet of flowers, for Beth to put down. She lifts the wild flowers to her nose and inhales and laughs as her nose bumps against something hard and scratchy. She opens her eyes to look at the object staring up at her. A large gold star glittered back.

"Gold stars are kind of you girls thing."

He winks and hands the bouquet to Beth, who then proceeds to give a speech to Shelby about how important the gold stars are to her and Rachel.

Rachel hugged Finn tight against her and pulled his t-shirt to bring him down for a sweet kiss, but not before whispering 'I love you' across his lips.

As the trio said their final goodbyes, Rachel stopped and turned back, a smile forming as she breathed a final 'thank you' and kissed her fingers and placed them on the gold star etched into the stone.

* * *

_Here we are face to face_

_With the memories that can't be erased_

_Although we need each other_

_Things that changed, it's not the same_

* * *

**Author's Note: So here you go! I didn't expect the way this story ended up, but I love how it did. Hopefully, you enjoyed it as well! Song lyrics are "Before You Walk Out My Life" by 'Monica and the scripture was from Ecclesiastes 8:8. Please read and review as you see fit! Love!**


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